Marriage

The United Church of Canada Policy Statement on Marriage

30th General Council, 1984

Marriage: Acknowledgements and Affirmations

• We AFFIRM that marriage is a gift of God through which Christians make a covenant with one another and with God. In marriage we offer one another the promise of lifelong companionship, rich expression of human affections and sexuality, and nurture for the children. Marriage as an institution can undergird each relationship and provide stability for society. We affirm the value of marriage and that the church must work both to redeem and care for the institution and to support those entering into a covenant relationship with each other. We acknowledge that marriage can also be destructive. Marriage as an institution is shaped by cultural attitudes that are patriarchal and oppressive....
• We AFFIRM that this unity is a creation of God and is greater than the two individuals. It creates holy ground on which the two, and all others, must walk carefully and gently, yet forthrightly and with courage. It has boundaries, between them, and with others, that may not be trespassed. It takes precedence over other relationships. It calls for that caring which heals hurt and tends growth.

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Policy Statement on Marriage Preparation

27th General Council, 1977

• The United Church of Canada affirms that final responsibility for the significance of the marriage service and all matters related to the conduct of weddings rests with the Minister and the local church.
• The United Church of Canada recommends that United Church Ministers and Congregations encourage ecumenical cooperation wherever possible with regard to the preparation and conduct and support of marriages.

Marriage Preparation Courses:

Usually at least three sessions of marriage preparation courses are recommended by ministers. For more information on what is required by your local United Church:

1. Contact the minister of your local church.
2. Call the regional United Church of Canada Conference Office.
3. The United Church has produced a marriage preparation/marriage enrichment resource called Passion and Freedom. There is a leader's and a couple's guide. Recommended for use with your minister and one or more couples.

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Statement on Marriages Between Faiths

The United Church of Canada will conduct marriage services between people of different faiths, dependent upon the minister of the local United Church. If you have any questions about whether the local minister of your United Church will conduct these services, please contact them directly.

Reflections on Interfaith Marriage (from Stories of Interfaith Families $3.50, Available from UCRD. Product ID 200 000 034)

When a young Christian woman from Winnipeg marries a young Muslim man from Toronto, what difficulties do they have as a result of their different religious traditions? Or when the daughter of Christian parents becomes Jewish and marries a Jewish man, how should her parents react to the mixture of religions in the family?

What would you do if your husband or wife converted to a different religious faith from the one you had shared for years? How do you continue to practise your own religion in your own religious community if your spouse is an avowed atheist or agnostic? What about your children? What do you do about their religious upbringing?

And how can Christian congregations involve interfaith families in ways that show proper respect for the people involved? How could Christian congregations provide real support and assistance to the members of interfaith families? How do other faith communities support interfaith families?

More and more people are asking questions like these. Every religious community is experiencing a growing number of interfaith marriages. Almost everyone can tell you a story about a friend or relative who is married to a member of another religion, or to someone who has no religious belief at all.

D.T. Niles, a great religious leader from Sri Lanka, used to say that faithful witnessing is like "one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread." Any of our religions is "beggared," so to speak, by the mysterious depth and breadth of God's ultimate reality. As St. Paul said, "Now we see through a misty mirror; someday, we hope, we will see clearly, as if face to face."

Meanwhile, people of different religions or no religion see things somewhat differently. People see ultimate reality from different perspectives. What we see can be true and good, but it is inevitably from only one perspective, which is to say that it is not absolute or perfect. One of the beautiful similarities found among most major religions is the admission that our human sensibilities are not perfect. Our interfaith relationships in our families and congregations can be enhanced by this humility. Some "guidelines" about what helps and what hinders interfaith relationships are shared below:

Respect for other people's religious or non-religious beliefs is the first essential. This doesn't mean we agree with those of other faith traditions, but it does mean we recognize that they have committed their lives to what they have come to believe. Religious beliefs are like languages; people learn them and think in them and act on them as they try to deal with reality as they understand it. Interfaith relationships begin with simple respect for the different traditions of belief, just as we respect the fact of different languages.

Another way to strengthen our interfaith relationships is to experience and learn about the religious faith of others. Again, it is like learning their language. If we know and understand what they believe, we may discover that we share some things that are important. The Golden Rule, for example - do unto others as you would have others do unto you -- is found in the scriptures and traditions of almost every major religion. When we find perceptions, beliefs, and values that are shared by all parties in interfaith families, we strengthen and affirm the common elements and increase everyone's respect for those from different traditions.

A third guideline has to do with competition. It is not helpful to assume that our religion is necessarily superior to others, or that we are obliged to belittle others in a context of religious arguments. Of course, we all think that our own beliefs are good and true: otherwise we wouldn't commit our lives to them. And what we believe in and love we want to share with others. But we can tell others what we believe without being competitive or hostile. If we put as much effort into listening to other people's good news as we put into telling about our own, we will avoid competition and enhance positive regard.

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Statement on Gay and Lesbian Marriage

In June 2005 the Federal Government passed Bill C-38 that made it legal for same-sex marriages to be offered in all regions of the country. It is the policy of the UCC that each congregation is responsible for its worshipping life and as we understand the service of the celebration of marriage to be a service of worship, it is the responsibility of the session or its equivalent to set marriage policies. Someone seeking a same-sex marriage would need to be in touch with the local congregation to determine their policy.

In 1984, the General Council declared:

• We AFFIRM our acceptance of all human beings as persons made in the image of God regardless of their sexual orientation.
• We AFFIRM salvation for all people is by grace through faith and that all believers in Christ are accepted as full members of the Christian church regardless of their sexual orientation.
• We AFFIRM that the church is called to initiate and encourage communication and discussion with homosexual believers about sexuality in order that fellowship may be increased, and misunderstanding, fears, and hostilities lessened.
• We AFFIRM that members of the church, individually and corporately, are responsible for becoming more aware of discrimination against homosexual persons, taking action to ensure that they enjoy their full civil and human rights in society, working to end all forms of discrimination against them, and for personally supporting the victims of such discrimination.
• We AFFIRM the need, as the church engages its heterosexual and homosexual members in dialogue, to recognize the personal and professional risks to which homosexual persons open themselves as they respond to this invitation.
• We AFFIRM the need for all church members, both heterosexual and homosexual, to study and understand sexuality and lifestyles in the light of the gospel.